In the Land of MAC

The Lord is my crash test dummy I shall not wiggle.
He maketh me lie down in green back seats:
He leadeth me in the paths of here for his name’s sake.
Yea, though I walk through the MAC counter at Macy’s, I will fear no evil:
For thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou annointest
My head with oil; my noodles runneth over.
Surely goodness and shoes shall scratch me all of the days of my life:
And I will manipulate in the house of Jupiter forever.